Sunday, March 12, 2006

So much for higher education

"One little kitty, TWO little kitty, THREE little kitty...muhahaha" the Count, Sesame Street

I used to think I could count.
I actually remember learning to count to one hundred.
I remember learning to add and subtract by counting change with my mother (she worked as a waitress when I was young, and always had pockets full of change to be counted). I learned to multiply and divide the same way, multiplying rolls of quarters, etc. This was all before I started school.

In school, I was always top of the class in math and reading. In college, I made it all the way to differential equations! I've been known to tell my children that the two most important subjects in school are reading and math, because everything else is based on these two subjects.
I can outstrip a calculator in adding columns of numbers. I beat the cash register at the store, every time.

What a comeuppance to find out that I can't count!

How did I find out, you ask?

By Jaywalking.

Yes, Jaywalker socks a la Grumperina.

I read the pattern carefully. I prepared my materials. I cast on and knit for several rounds, and all was well. Each time, I counted stitches. Each time the pattern got more and more familiar. Then....
I couldn't count.
I should have had 42 stitches...I had 40. Tink, tink, back to 42...OK. Knit, knit, tink, tink, knit, knit, tink ,tink. (And this with Lorna's Laces sock yarn on US #1 needles!). I swear that 2 + 2 used to equal 4, but NOT ON THIS SOCK! Jaywalkers exist in a black hole in the universe where all real numbers are sucked flat! Only imaginary numbers (remember those, math nerds?) exist in this pattern. Pattern? OK, I re-read the pattern. Shit.

I can't read either!

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